Scooter spoofs
by squishedfish
Summary: Parodies of Scooter songs. Don't bother reading it, it's crappy. :Re-wrote 1st story:
1. She's The Sun

A/N: I re-wrote this story.  It's not in script form and it's slightly different.  The first version was crappy...  *sigh*  It doesn't matter if you don't understand this story or if you don't understand how it's supposed to be funny.  Only a selected few of my friends would understand the jokes.  Uh... Maybe only two...

This is my first so-called fanfic and it's really crappy. WOOHOO!  Anyways, you might now know who the characters are so I'll briefly explain it to you.  HP is in this band group thingy called "Scooter."  There are two other people in his band – Rick and Axel.  But in older songs, it's Rick and Ferris and in the newer ones, it's Rick and Jay.  Nikki is the girl who HP carries in his arms in the CD cover of "She's the Sun."

I wrote a story about Scooter because I wanted to make fun of them and kill HP Baxxter.  You see, their songs are pretty random (it's supposed to be techno) and I am not a fan of them.  My friend is...  She's RattyRayvn and wrote a parody about Scooter. 

Italics are thoughts.

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any of the characters except the plot.  Nikki is, in a way, a made-up person and she doesn't belong to me either.  She belongs to Ratty, who gave that nameless blonde girl a name.

**-[**** She's the Sun ]-**

"Release me, you moron!" yelled Nikki.  

"What have I done wrong now?" asked HP.  He stared down at Nikki who was in his arms.  Her face was red and she shot daggers at him.  _Oh great he thought.  _What does the bitch think I have done wrong?__

"You stepped on my dress!" yelled Nikki huffily. 

HP Baxxter, lead singer of the band Scooter, looked down at Nikki's dress and realised that his right foot had stepped on her incredibly long dress.

You see, it was all Nikki's fault that this had happened.  The two were shooting a video clip for HP's song, "She's the Sun."  They've done every other scene so far except this: the scene where HP had to carry Nikki in his arms and walk slowly down the streets and into the beach.  Once in the beach, he was to gently put her into the waters.

All Nikki had to wear was just a simple dress.  But no, she was so picky about everything and wanted to wear the longest dress possible.  This made HP walk with care, and extra slow.

HP lifted his shoe from her dress.  Nikki was wriggling in his arms.  _What in the world does she want now?  At this rate, we'll never get to finish this! thought HP angrily._

            "What now, oh great Queen of the world?" asked HP sarcastically.  He rolled his eyes. 

            "You're supposed to release me," said Nikki.

            "Oh... you mean like this?" HP dropped her on the ground with a thud.  He walked away before Nikki could start screaming obscenities at him.  Unfortunately, he was a second too late.

            "You idiot!  Do you know even how to treat a lady?!" She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at the back of HP, wishing it would bore a hole through him.  "Firstly, you do _not step on her dress and you certainly do __not drop her down like _that!_"  She then continued yelling rudely at him.  Things that is probably too rude to add in here.  Well...  maybe this little author cannot be bothered to add them all in.  So, let's continue with the story, shall we?_

Nikki continued throwing a tantrum.  _Oh god, she's like a big baby, isn't she? _thought HP.

            "Uh... Nikki?  You know, if you continue like this, we may not be able to finish off this scene today and may have to continue on with tomorrow," said the director.

            "What?!  And see that stupid big fat dumbass again?!" cried Nikki.

            "I'm not fat!" snapped HP.

            "Uh... I guess you would have to, Nikki," said the director.  "So I suggest that you two should start again."

            "There's a huge footprint on my expensive dress now!" protested Nikki.

_Oh man, she's so bloody annoying!  _Thought HP.  _This is getting nowhere!  She's so stupid!  She's just like a typical blonde!  Wait... she _is_ blonde.  Ah ha!  No wonder why she's so stupid!  Wait a second...  I'm_ a blond too!  Dammit, and I just said that I was stupid.__

HP scooped Nikki into his arms and despite her protests, carried her all the way back to the beginning of the street.  He then started walking very slowly down the streets.  His face was solemn and acted as if he was holding a dead girl.

Nikki was doing her job fine too.  She pretended to be dead (which wasn't very hard to do).  

HP could see the beach.  _Finally!  I am walking on SAND! Eager to finish this scene off, HP stupidly didn't look where he was stepping and tripped over Nikki's tremendously long dress and fell on top of her._

HP quickly got up and foolishly brushed the sand off his clothes.

            "AAAHHH!!" yelled Nikki.

            HP groaned, "What have I done now?"

            "You brushed _sand all over me!" shrieked Nikki in disgust.  She sneezed.  HP pointed at laughed at her._

            "What so funny?!" said Nikki angrily.  She got up and started twirling a blonde curl.

            "Nothing!" said HP.  He tried to suppress his laughter, he really did, but whenever he looked at Nikki who was covered in sand, he burst out in laughter.  Her hair was covered in sand too, surprisingly.

Nikki started jumping up and down, trying to get rid of the sand.  She then started shaking her head furiously.  She only wanted to get rid of the sand in her hair but to the eyes of other people, she seemed like a mad woman.  

Unfortunately, what Nikki did made HP laugh louder.  This time, she was really angry.  

            "WHAT IS _YOUR PROBLEM?!" roared Nikki.  She had completely lost her cool.  _This is it.  I do not like stupid blond men who continue laughing at me for no reason._ Thought Nikki._

HP clutched his stomach.

            "Ouch... my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.  Have you seen yourself in the mirror, Nikki?  You look like one of those mad women.  You know, those old witches who have knotted long hair and have warts all over their—"

            "YOU MEAN I HAVE _WARTS ON __MY FACE?!" roared Nikki with rage.  "How _dare_ you insult me like this!  How dare you compare me with __old women who practice the demonic witchcraft and grow _warts_ on their faces!"  Nikki eyed him.  Her eyes were full of hatred.  If looks could kill, HP would have been dead long ago._

HP gulped.  "Uh... no... I didn't mean that way..."

Nikki stepped forward and shook her fist menacingly.

            "Oh really?" she asked.  

            "You're not doubtful, are you?" HP paled.  You could never really tell what an angry female was going to do next.

            "No." Nikki then kneed him in the unmentionables and watched HP double over in pain.  She grinned and was, at last, satisfied.

            "Uh... shall we start again?" asked the director quietly.  He was rather frightened, you see.  Nikki could suddenly beat him up.  He did not know where she possessed the strength from but it was a well known fact that she could.

            "Yes," said Nikki.  She smirked and that smirk sent shivers running up and down the director's spine.

HP was still rolling around on the sand with pain.  _Ouch… that bitch!  She'll pay for this!_ He thought threateningly.  _Of course, she can't hear what I'm thinking so what's the point of threatening her?  _He signed.  _I _am_ such a dumbass.  The truth hurts._

***

HP once again held Nikki in his arms and carried her down to the beach.  This time, they did not make any errors.  HP carried Nikki over to the sea and continued walking until the sea water was waist deep.  He then held her high and suddenly dropped her.

SPLASH!

Gargling noises were heard.  Bubbles appeared in the water. Nikki's head appeared out of the water.  She gasped for breathe and then stared at HP with loathe.

            "You... you... BASTARD!" she yelled.  "You weren't supposed to dump me in the water!  You were supposed to put me gently in it!  Do you _not_ understand the world 'gently'?  Do you _not_ understand how it—"

HP tuned out.  He was terribly annoyed with her.  He rolled his eyes.

Nikki, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't listening to her anymore and appeared interested in the clouds, continued blabbing on about how rude HP was. 

            "Uh... excuse me?  Would you be wanting to re-do that scene again, Mr Baxxter and Nikki?" asked the director.

Nikki stomped out of the water and walked over to the director.  She shook her fist before him, shaking water all over the director and making him wet.

            "Do you honestly think _I_ want to re-do this scene again?!  I don't care, I don't want to do it again.  Just show that stupid god damn video clip with me being thrown into the sea!" raged Nikki.

            "Uh... I don't know if I can do—"

            "You _shall do that!" threatened Nikki._

She stomped off to the beach and bent down to pick up a rather big rock.

            "TAKE _THAT, YOU FEATHERBRAIN!" she yelled and threw the rock at the director._

Unfortunately, her aim was true and hit the poor director in the forehead.  He fainted.  His skull wasn't split open, thankfully.  The assistants hurried and carried the director onto a stretcher.  They then quickly ran away from Nikki.  They couldn't afford their lives.

            "Hm... you didn't have to do that, did you?" asked HP.  He waded back into the shore and stood next to Nikki.  "That was kinda evil, y'know."

            "I am evil," sneered Nikki.

            "Eh?" HP was puzzled.

Nikki rolled her eyes.  _He is so stupid._

"I _am_ evil," repeated Nikki.

            "Huh?" 

            "I thought you were stupid but you can't be _that_ stupid!  For Pete's sake, I AM _EVIL!!!"_

            "Who's Pete?"

Nikki groaned. _There cannot possibly be such a stupid man as _him_ alive, can there?_

            "I can't stand this anymore!  You are the world's most stupid man, ALIVE!  You deserve to be killed!" yelled Nikki.

            "And how about you?  The most annoying bitch in the world!  The world doesn't need an annoying bitch like you," replied HP angrily.

            "Fine then, _be that way!  See if _I_ care!" _

Nikki felt something heavy on her left foot.  She looked down and saw that a flamethrower had appeared conveniently next to her.  She smirked and bent down to pick it up.

            "Oh look what we have here!" she said.  She held the flamethrower in her hands firmly.  "A flamethrower!"

HP stared at the weapon in Nikki's hands.  "Please say you don't know how to use that thing!" said HP.

            "Hm...  Shouldn't these things be self-explanatory?  I'm sure I'll be able to figure out how to use these things, thank you very much.  I do not need _your help," replied Nikki._

HP gulped.  _This... this woman was crazy!  HP looked around and desperately tried to find something to attack Nikki with.  _A rock?__

Nikki continued looking at the flamethrower.  There was a trigger, yes, but did you simply have to pull it and fire comes out?  Is there something more complex like guns?

Suddenly, a rock had hit her head.  Nikki rubbed her head.

            "Oww..." mumbled Nikki.  "Who did that?" 

            "Moi!" replied HP. "Magnificent MOI!" he said again in a French accent.

            "YOU BASTARD!!  Now my head is bleeding!" sniffed Nikki.

            "BWA HAHAHAHAHA!!"  HP had become mad.

            "Oh shut up!" yelled Nikki.  She aimed the flamethrower at HP and pulled the trigger.

            "Uh oh..." said HP when he saw flames flaring out from the flamethrower.  He was suddenly engulfed in the flames.  He screamed in terror.  He couldn't put the flames out.  He tried running to the sea but the sea was so far away.  He then tried rolling around on the sand but that didn't work because Nikki continued flaming him.

Nikki, on the other hand, was enjoying every moment.  She smirked and gladdened to hear HP scream in utter terror.  Yes, she was plain evil but didn't she make it clear before?  _Finally, he has repaid for all the insults he has thrown to me!  BWA HAHAHAHA!!_

Soon enough, HP was no more than just a pile of ash.

Nikki smirked and then walked away triumphantly with the flamethrower still in her hands.


	2. Break It Up

Once again, I have typed up another scooter spoof… I seem to type scooter fanfics…. Correction: anti-fanfics!! (I think there's such a thing as an 'anti-fanfic'….)  

Anyways, this spoof is about the song/video, "Break it up" (it's once again one REALLY REALLY crap song that scooter sings and the video is just weird….).  

Btw, the 'inspiration' for this story was the video clip (I watched it WITHOUT sound)

Disclaimer: I do not own Scooter but I own the plot.. thing.. 

**Break it up**

**Nikki:** I wanna break up with you

**HP:** *frowns* why?  We're ok together! *grabs hold of her hands*

**Nikki:** Well.. it's because you've been such a *mumbles*

**HP:** huh?

**Nikki:** You haven't been... the type of boyfriend I wanted to have (A/N: God, this part is getting SOPPY!! *disgusted*)

**HP:** I don't get you.  

**Nikki:** well... *gets really shy* well... *mumble**mumble*

**HP:** *leans forward to listen to her* huh?

**Nikki:** What the f**k!  Let's just get it over and done with! *runs away to get something*

**HP:** Huh? *looks in the direction she ran off in*

(Nikki grabs a club and hits HP)

**HP:** *dizzy* huh?  What's happening?  *stands unsteadily*

**Nikki:** I want to break up with you, you f**king bastard! *punches him* I've had enough of you!  I hate you and your guts!

**HP:** *dizzily* huh? I'm seeing stars... *falls down and is unconscious* 

***

(HP Baxxter wakes up and is tied up on the railway line by his 'girlfriend', Nikki)

**HP**:  Can I please ask a question?

**Nikki**: Hm?  What is it? *ties HP firmly down*

**HP**: *tries to get up but fails* what exactly are you doing?

**Nikki**: *annoyed* Are you dumb or can't you see what I'm doing?

**HP:** *sarcastically* Just tell me why the hell you're tying me up?  And also why I'm on the bloody railway track?!

**Nikki**: *looks at HP in an annoyed way* hasn't it all come to you yet?  Hello?!  Railway, tied-up, train.  Does that help?

**HP**: *confused* huh?  What do you mean by 'railway, tied-up, train,' I don't get it…. *thinks*

**Nikki**: *mumbles* God I'm so glad I broke up with him!  Firstly, he's an idiot who likes to scream nonsense, then he became all... mature... and now, he's gone dumb!!! *louder* God you are so dumb!! *kicks HP* 

**HP**: ouch!!

**Nikki**: GOD!! You are so f**king dumb!! How big is your brain?  Puny?  The size of a pea?

**HP**: Wait a sec... I think I get what you are trying to do to me.  *thinks for a bit more* you're trying to KILL me!! You're trying to get me run over by a bloody train!  *stares at Nikki at a disgusted way* GOD!! How EVIL are you?!

**Nikki:** Evilness is second nature to me! *cackles evilly* (A/N: I wonder if Nikki does cackle.. *shrugs* who gives, Nikki is a made-up character (RattyRayvn made her up)) *sarcastically* Congratulations, that took you 10 secs to figure it out! *claps*

(Nikki puts flowers on top of HP)

**HP:** What are those flowers doing there? *tries to get rid of them by blowing them away*

**Nikki:** For your funeral! MWA HAHA!! *continues with flower thingy* 

**HP:** NOO!! I don't wanna die!! I'm too young to die!!

**Nikki:** You are such an idiot!  You just speak complete nonsense all the time, screaming your head off and embarrassing me!

**HP:** I embarrassed you? *frowns* don't remember that...

**Nikki:** 'course you didn't, you old flea bag! You never cared for me and never thought about my feelings.  God, you don't even know how to be a man!

(Nikki weeps for a while)

**Nikki:** Remember the "She's the Sun" video?

**HP:** Yeah *tries to nod*

**Nikki:** Well, when we were making that, you were such an idiot!  You kept on stepping on my dress and falling over and –

**HP:** *yells angrily* EXCUSE ME!!! It wasn't my bloody fault!  I'd rather have a person who weighs a ton fall on top of me rather than some stupid f**king b*tch kicking my… *turns to a nice shade of red* (A/N: ratty, don't laugh at the thought of HP Baxxter being red.  God, last time u had that thought, it took u nearly half a day to get over it!!!!)  well... you get the point.

**Nikki:** Shut up!!  You know how much I hate you?  So much that I wanted to KILL you! I wanted to stab you a thousands times, shoot you, chop you up and burn you. I wanted to tear you to a thousand pieces, kick you off a cliff and feed you to the – 

 ****

**HP:** *quickly* ok, that's enough.  You don't need to go into the details.

**Nikki:** You should be feeling glad that you are going to be run over by a train and not be killed a horrible death. 

**HP:** Boy am I glad!  *thinks what he just said* wait a sec, I'm NOT glad!  I don't WANT TO DIE!!

(nikki rolls her eyes)

**HP:** I don't want to f**king well die!  I did nothing, NOTHING!! What have I done to deserve this?

**Nikki:** well, for starters, I hate you and then maybe the readers hate you as well!  Well... I know that the author hates you!

**HP:** *frowns* there are readers and an author?

**Nikki:** yes

**HP:** So that means we're in fiction?

**Nikki:** yes

**HP:** and anything can happen to us?

**Nikki:** *shrugs* I suppose so...

**HP:** *suspiciously* How do you know all this?  How do u know that the author and perhaps the readers hate me?

**Nikki:** *boasts* 'cause I'm special!

**HP:** *thinks* *says slowly* So, if we're in fiction, anything can happen to us.  Our fate is in the author's hands, right?

**Nikki:**  *sarcastically* God, you're so smart!

**HP:** *sarcastically* thanks for the encouragement!  *says slowly* so, it means I can ask the author to change my fate!  Do you know how I can talk to this author?

**Nikki:** Dunno... *shrugs* never tried talking to her

**HP:** It's a 'she'?!

(nikki nods)

(A/N: I have no idea where this author part came from... anyways, HP Baxxter is probably already looking up at the sky.  Yes, he is, he's lying down on his back) 

**HP:** *looks up at the sky**yells* HELLO AUTHOR?!

(no reply)

**HP: ** HELLO?!  ANYONE THERE?!

**Nikki:** *rolls eyes* stop wasting your time.  Hurry up as well.  The train's coming in ten minutes.

**HP: **HELLO?!  CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A BLOODY GOD DAMN F**KING REPLY?  

(no reply)

**HP:** A RESPONSE?  

(no reply) 

**HP: **F**K YOU B*ITCH!!  YOU SUCK!!  *swears uncontrollably at the author* (A/N: If I had to write down wot he said, it would be r-rated and really rude and offensive and it would take a whole page in Word)

**Author:** SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!! YOU SCREAM TOO LOUD!! 

**HP:** Finally! She replies! 

**Author:** *sarcastically* naw...

**HP:** Can you please not kill me?

**Author:** Can you please be not a f**king bastard?

**HP:** *mumbles* women these days!

**Author:** HEY!! I heard that!  

**HP:** I beg you, can you please not kill me!

**Author:** No way! I remember what you said to me before!  I'm offended! 

**HP:** Please?!

**Author:** *crossly* NO!! 

**HP: ***looks rejected* *small voice* please?

**Author:** NO! I will not bloody well be helping you!  You are such a f**king idiot!  You are mad and I suggest you to go to the mental hospital.  You should seek psychological advice.  I'm just going to ignore you. You DESERVE to die!  That's why I typed up this stupid bloody story!  DUH!! I'm just gonna ignore you!

**HP:** NO! Don't leave me!! PLEASE HELP ME!!

(no reply) 

**Nikki:** *laughs evilly* HA!! The author agrees with me, you SHOULD die!  *laughs evilly* So accept your fate!! 

**HP:** *small voice* no!

**Nikki:** is there any last words you would like to say?

**HP:** I HATE YOU, YOU F**KING B*TCH!! *looks up at the sky* I HATE YOU TOO, YOU B*TCHY AUTHOR!! ALL FEMALES ARE THE SAME!! B*TCHY AND EVIL!!

**Nikki:** *raises an eyebrow* so you think that females are b*tchy and evil? Well, there's more –

**HP:** God, I DO NOT want to know!

**Nikki:**  Good for you!  *looks at her watch* *slaps forehead* OMG!! The train's nearly here!  Gotta go! *waves* good-bye! *runs away* 

**HP:** F**K OFF, u b*tch!  Just leave me all alone!

(the train comes along, HP screams his head off and Nikki watches in excitement.  You can guess what happens and I will not write it in detail.  It's too gross.)

(after the train has left)

**Nikki:** *runs up to the bloody remains of HP* WOOOHOO! *celebrates* he's finally DEAD!!! *dances around the body*  JOY JOY JOY!! 

(obviously, Nikki has gone mad…oh well.)

***

What happens afterwards: Nikki was suspected of murder.  She was proved guilty and was sent to jail.  After one year, her cell mates suspected that she was mad (A/N: god, the cell mates are SLOW!) and they sent Nikki to the mental hospital where she stayed there for the rest of her life. 

As for the author, no prizes for guessing what she's doing.  I'M STILL ALIVE DAMMIT!  I'm alive and well and typing up crappy fanfics!! WHEE!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God that was one crappy fanfic! *shakes head* I type so many fanfics about scooter!! ARGH!! And then they all have something to do with HP Baxxter dying! Oh well *shrugs* at least I know one person who appreciates this story!  =D 

Btw, please don't ask me why I added that author part in. I just felt like it... *tries to look innocent* 

As you can see, I have 'censored' the rude/swear words!! It won't be as 'disturbing' as before!! =D


	3. Author's Note

AUTHOR'S NOTE  
  
I notice that in "She's the Sun", HP Baxxter is dead but in "break it up" (the 2nd chappy), HP Baxxter is alive. You must be wondering how HP Baxxter could suddenly become alive again. Well, it's because... it's fiction! And... um... I wanted HP baxxter to die in every story... sounds lame but... who gives!! *shrugs*  
  
I also notice another problem. Break It Up was made before She's the Sun but who really cares? (as in, the songs when the songs were made) It's just a stupid fanfic! (more like anti-fanfic!) I also don't think you already knew that... not many of you are Scooter fans, right? Well, I'm not one! But I know a certain someone who is!! *grins*  
  
I really can't get those bold thingies and the italic thingies working!! You know, the b and the i!! they don't work!! ARGH!! I need them!! It would make my stories much easier to read!!! ARGH!!! And if anyone knows how to, can you please, please, PLEASE tell me?  
  
Btw, I would just like to say that the whole point of these scooter spoofs was to make HP Baxxter sound really dumb and kill him. It's also my first fanfic! I know it's really crap but it's my FIRST EVA fanfic!!  
  
***NOTE TO ANNABELLE: *** (reply to ur awfully long review)  
  
I accept flames from you, annie. I don't care much but as long as you review, I'm fine. And I admit, I'm crazy and there's probably something wrong with me. Maybe influence from lindley...  
  
I also admit that I'm a weirdo and GOD ANNIE!! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I SWEAR?! You know that I do! Especially on msn... hehe *grins* That's why I have swear words/ rude words in both my stories! =D  
  
Also I would like to point out the fact that I can't write proper stories!!! I already said that before, Annabelle! And the gun thing was probably.. a bit too much... I admit. XD  
  
I cannot write anything good, I suck at English (you know that!!!) and I don't think I'll be able to write anything 'beneficial.' Maybe give me a couple more years and I'll probably write much betta stuff, at least more mature stuff!  
  
I would like to point out the fact that Emma Lindley is NOT worse that Saddam Hussein!! I mean, Saddam Hussein is a dictator (I think) and is brutal and mean and force ppl to do stuff. He is a 'baddie baddie', a tyrant (I think...) and actually kills ppl! While Emma Lindley on the other hand, just talks non-stop about guns, Scooter and is very immature. Did I mention wacko and crazy? Nope but you get the general idea.  
  
In general, I CANNOT write good stories. OK?!  
  
(you lucky thing! You get to miss the last day of school and go off to America!! WAAH!! And go to Disney Land as well!! WAAAAAAAH!!! Unfair! UNFAIR!!!) 


End file.
